Desperately seeking an attractive German women who like to wear black stockings, enjoys long walks in the cemetery, and has a thing for poorly produced animal dissection videos. If you fit this description, please hesitate to contact me, as I don't want my head to be forcibly removed mid-coitus and replaced with the head of a man who has been dead for at least three months. In case you haven't figured it out yet, it's time for Nekromantik 2, the long awaited second chapter in the grisly yet strangely romantic series of horrific love stories written and directed by Jörg Buttgereit (Nekromantik), a man who melds whimsy and butchery so effortlessly, that it will make your entrails spin. Actually, I shouldn't call this chapter, "long awaited," as I pretty much watched it immediately after the first one had finished. Not because I wanted to, but because I'm contractually obligated to do so under the city-wide ordinance that states: If someone named Jörg makes a sequel to his unexpectedly popular movie about German babes who fornicate with dead dudes, you must watch it within twenty-four hours of viewing the first film. Obligated or not, my excitement to see what happens next in the corpse violating saga was surprisingly genuine. The most compelling girl digs up dead boy, living boy meets girl, girl dismembers dead boy, living boy loses girl, girl reattaches head of dismembered dead boy to the torso of living boy tale ever to splatter violently against the wall of human suffering, the follow up not only amps up the unpleasantness (shriveled penis, anyone?), it also cranks up the artiness. Seriously, take away the necrophilia, and what you're left with is a heartwarming story of two kooky kids who meet outside a movie theatre in Berlin. Sure, she's seeing a rotting cadaver on the side, but at least she's trying to date sentient lifeforms.
Just when I thought that I had erased the image of a man ejaculating blood while performing seppuku on a bed with chunks of chainlink fence as its headboard, Nekromantik 2 is here to remind me that not only did it occur, that there is no way I will be able to un-see what transpires at the end of the first movie (the television I watched it on, by the way, is still not speaking to me). In fact, I was so traumatized by the sight of blood spewing out of his penis, that I haven't been able to operate my genitals with the comfort that I'm accustomed to. And if you recall (please tell me you recall), that's the same exact thing that happened to me after watching Dandy Dust, the movie about cyber-dykes languishing inside a giant neon bladder.
You could say that the film had a profound effect on me. In other words, it's better than a film that had no impact whatsoever (fuck you, Sucker Punch). But still, I would really like to play with my penis again.
If you thought the first movie had too much dialogue, Nekromantik 2 is just what the doctor ordered. Featuring no chit chat whatsoever for the first twenty or so minutes, Jörg Buttgereit quietly introduces us to Monika (Monika M.), a woman who seems to appear out of nowhere. If the surroundings look familiar, that's because she's walking through the cemetery from the first film. Yeah, that's right. She's looking for the grave of Robert Schmadtke, the man who killed himself so memorably in part one. Wearing black stockings, a red blazer over top of black shirt covered in white polka dots, and a determined look on her face, Monika searches the cemetery for her putrid prize. When she does eventually find what she's looking for, she positions her slender, unpretentious legs in a manner that is conducive to manual labour (she also plants her heels into the dirt), and starts digging Robert's grave.
Snails, lizards, and baby birds do what those things usually do, and creepy music fills the air, as Monika swings her pickaxe with a lofty brand of horniness. Horny what? Make no mistake, she wants to have sex with Robert's corpse. I know this, you know this, we all know this. Meaning, let's stop beating around the bush, shall we?
Taking a break mid-desecration, Monika shows off her mouth-watering stems while resting against a tombstone. Flash those shapely gams, you sexy corpse fucker!
Removing what's left of his bloated carcass from the hole she just dug, Monika brings it home to her apartment, which we get a quick tour of thanks to a panoramic camera move; which it spins around the room to reveal a woman who clearly loves death-based interior design. Placing him in front of the couch, Monika plants her first kiss on his fetid lips. Which, of course, is accompanied by inappropriately lush-sounding piano music.
Since it's time for someone to actually say something (have fun waiting for Monika and Robert's corpse to start shooting the proverbial shit), we're introduced to Mark (Mark Reeder), a nondescript fella who dubs porno films and hates it when people are late.
Meanwhile, back at Monika's apartment. The courtship of Robert's corpse has gone into overdrive, as Monika is already naked and sitting on top of him. Gyrating against his, oh, let's say, decaying mound, Monika stops mid-hump to vomit in the bathroom. I'm no expert when it comes to relationships with the dead, but reverse cowgirl on the first date, even if one of the parties happens to be deceased, is not something you should rush into. Baby steps, people.
As Monika is cleaning her new boyfriend (don't forget to wash his shriveled taint), his ex-girlfriend is standing over his empty burial plot, shovel in hand. Letting out a frustrated sigh followed by "oh damn," Betty (Beatrice Manowski), who is rocking her trademark black stockings with red heels look (there's nothing hotter than thirtyish German women who wear black pencil skirts in cemeteries), stares at Robert's recently robbed grave with a mix of sadness and anger. Sadness, because she won't be making sweet love to Robert's corpse tonight. Anger, because some bint (probably wearing a black pencil skirt just like the one she's wearing) got there before she did. While Betty is cursing her bad luck, Monika is at home drinking a glass of milk while standing on red carpet; a motif which I thought perfectly captured the film's overall blood and cum theme.
Waiting outside the movie theatre for his date to arrive, an increasingly agitated (remember, he hates tardiness) Mark is starting to grow impatient. Giving up after waiting a few more minutes, Mark decides to ask some random woman if he'd like to watch the movie with him (he's already paid for the tickets). As the they enter theatre it becomes apparent that the woman Mark gives his date's ticket to is none other than Monika. First of all, I had no idea Monika consorted with the living. And secondly, run, Mark, run! Anyway, like in the first film, Nekromantik 2 mocks popular cinema by having its characters attend the screening of a film within a film. In part one, Robert watches a horror film called "Vera," and in part two, Mark and Monika watch a ridiculous movie called "mon dejeuner avec vera," an arty endeavour that features a naked man and woman sitting on a roof eating eggs and talking about birds; well, the man does most of the talking.
It's clear that they like each other (they make goo goo eyes at one another during the bird movie), and end up spending the day at an amusement park/zoo. While riding the park's "observation wheel" (who calls it that? what a pretentious fuck; I'm talking about myself, by the way) Mark and Monika kiss. Yay! I thought, to myself, as they kissed. In your face necrophilia! Normalcy wins! The end. What do you mean it's not over? Mark and Monika are perfect together. He dubs sex films, she's a nurse. In other words, a match made in heaven. Yeah, but what about Robert? Oh yeah, him.
Well, it seems that Monika is about to confront that situation. Busting out the rubber gloves, Monika grabs a saw and starts to dismember Robert in the bathtub. Starting with his left hand, Monika is clearly having trouble going through this. After giving herself a mental pep talk, Monika plants a final kiss on his still fetid lips, and proceeds to remove his head. Eventually ending up with three bags of Robert, Monika is about to return him to the cemetery, when she decides to retrieve his head and his penis (the latter is placed on a plate, covered in plastic wrap, and put in the fridge).
Even though she continues to date Mark (she has sexual intercourse with him - she wears black hold-up stockings, he wears white sock garters), Robert's head and crumpled genitals are never far from our memories. We know that Monika can't let go of her desire to copulate with the dead, and, in the end, that spells nothing but trouble for their burgeoning relationship.
As Robert did when he was alive, Monika has strange dreams. My favourite being the one where she sings "Scelette Delicieux" while a man blonde man with a ponytail (John Boy Walton) plays the piano and a floating skull spins around and around. It not only proves that Nekromantik 2 is a true work of transgressive art, but that the film has a sly sense of humour (the piano player mugs menacingly for the camera at one point during Monika's number). Sure, the scene where Mark gets a drunk at a bar, and the one where Monika contemplates her decision regarding Mark and Robert's head/genitals do go on longer than they should (whereas part one was a spry seventy-five minutes, part two clocks in at one hundred and four), but the film is sickening in all the right places. Oh, and to quote Echo, the troubled one, from Party Doll A Go-Go!, "Ride that stranger like a rocket 88!" Don't ask me why I'm quoting that line at this particular point in time, but if you have seen the end of Nekromantik 2, you'll probably agree that's it's quite apt.
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